because i lost something. i feel like i lost something.. on the way. i can't really say what, exactly, but i can feel it. don't even know if i want to bring 'it' back. but i know i can't go on like this.
it's no use. i've been like this for a while, i've seen what's it like and now it's time to cool down.
so why change? why so sudden? but most important is.. how!
for starters i pierced my tongue. boy, that was a shock on a lot of people! and then, the attitude.. i decided to do everything crossed my mind, right then and there! and i became mean.. as in selfish. and i'll eventually have to quit smoking.. then? who knows?
i've been wondering if i'll ever settle down. do i find someone interesting only because i can't have her? and (in most cases) after i do.. i don't like her anymore. i guess not, cuz. with L. (i talk about her because it didn't happen long time ago) was different.
but.. the thing that 'started' this change was.. my behavior. it's a thing i think i've developed on my own. it's about the opposite sex. so i meet someone. i try to see what's she like an if she's worth the try. then if i do like her i start wondering if she likes me. if she does.. then it's all settled. after a while i get to know her more. and i find stuff that i don't like. so i lose my appetite (not for food or sex, but.. for her). and i start fooling around again. by the time she can tell something's not right.. she gets attached. and (i think) because i try to push her away, she comes towards me even more. we finally break up. she's sad. and i wake up alone. again. you need a reason to wake up, to shave, to smile in the morning. i know i do!
the weird thing about it is that i can't do it. today i say stop. next morning i wake up with 2 chicks next to me. well.. one (on each side) and i say to miself: "that was not the plan, remember?" ..so i go home and find another "x added you to her messenger list. press next to.."
and she turns out to be smart and a pretty nice girl.. and i get that 'red button' feeling again.
i don't know if i'll manage to do all that. but at least i got my tongue pierced. hopefully that won't atract more chicks upon me and i'll be able to go on with my boring life..