December 5, 2007

My New Year's Resolution

A bit early, i guess..

1. Never forget another birthday!
(use reminders.. mozilla sun bird organizer.. whatever!)
2. Quit smoking.
(this time for real!)
3. Trip to Amsterdam.
(with ..or without you!)
4. Win bet with Paul.
(some of you know what's that about..)
5. Get organized.
(organise "all that" spare time, meals, job, chores, etc.)
6. Win AdOr award.
(what.. can't i dream? and btw.. it's not a joke. i really want it. and i'm gonna do what i have to do.. to get it!!)
7. Workout!
(that's gonna' be interesting.. but i have to.. and it will also help me quit smoking!)
8. Find-out what I want to do with my life..
(i'm gonna take my time with this one!)
9. Find me a nice little girl who's gonna be there in the morning.
(i seriously doubt this one.. that's why it's almost the last thing on this.. 'to do list'.. but i really want to!! oh, and.. i don't really mean 'little' it's just a figure of speach!!!)
10. Bungee Jump!
(..and live to tell the story! =p~)

( be continued)

December 1, 2007

the big search..

si.. te trezesti intr-o dimineata, evident, singur.. si iti dai seama ca nu esti ca ceilalti. si ca nu ai aceleasi dorinte/asteptari/teluri ca si ceilalti din jurul tau. vrei mai mult. aduci ceva nou pe masa.. si astepti acelasi lucru din partea celuilalt. ceri atat de mult?

odata ce nu mai esti nou in.. 'domeniu' vezi altfel lucrurile. din momentul in care realizezi ca esti chiar bun la ce faci.. se schimba iarasi datele ecuatiei. vezi ca vrei mai mult decat de obicei. incepi sa selectezi, sa fii atent la detalii sa nu te mai multumesti cu putin si sa te astepti ca si celalalt sa aduca ceva nou. asa ca incepi sa cauti. defapt.. cautai de mult. dar acum stii ce vrei sa gasesti. si esti dispus sa treci cu vederea anumite lucruri. dar sunt altele la care nu vrei sa renunti ..and these are a 'must have'!

pe masura ce intalnesti mai multa lume, vezi ca nu e atat de usor de gasit acel 'ceva'. incepi sa vezi pattern-uri in oamenii de langa tine. incepi sa ii vezi 'de departe'.. ca la sah.. stii ce mutari vor face.. iar tu stii bine cum o sa reactionezi.. si partida s-a terminat inainte de a incepe, pentru ca iti dai seama ca o sa ajungi de unde ai plecat..

totul pare sa fie ok in primele momente. pentru ca e nou. pentru ca e 'altceva'. pentru ca e euforia necunoscutului.. ce ar fi.. cum ar fi daca.. dar ajungi sa il/o cunosti in profunzime si nu dureaza mult pana vezi ca nu e ce iti doresti. pentru ca ai gasit acelasi pattern sau pentru ca sunt multe lucruri peste care nu vrei sa treci cu vederea.. sau pentru ca te trezesti singur dimineata.. nu conteaza. ideea e ca nu o sa mearga. si ai prevazut asta. dar ai zis ca.. poate ma insel. poate de data asta e alfel..

uneori chiar e altfel. uneori gasesti pe cate cineva.. care gandeste la fel ca tine. prea mult la fel. si nu in sensul rau. pentru ca va completati unul pe celalalt. doar ca.. prea bine. ganditi in acelasi moment acelasi lucru.. va intelegeti din priviri.. fiecare aduce cate ceva nou.. totul ar fi ok daca.. ar fi si sincronizare: el/ea are pe altcineva. sau alte planuri. sau.. e departe. etc. partea cu gasitul nu e cea mai mare problema.. cel mai greu e cu sincronizarea.
dar.. asta e alta poveste.

November 8, 2007


I don't go home often.. to my hometown and.. that's not a good thing. Because it's a beautiful small town.. quiet, everyone knows everyone.. etc. Anyway.. when i do get there.. i meet a lot of people that i know.. used to go to school with me, neighbors.. and i find them exactly where i left them. Same poor minimarket, 'operating' that same broken cash register, selling the same stuff everyday.. to almost the same people. I wonder if he left the market (cuz it's non-stop) since i left.. cause he has the same shirt as he did a couple of months ago..
I wonder.. 'Is that what he's going to do his entire life? Is he happy the way he is?' Tell you what: he's not asking himself these questions! And if he does.. he thinks that if he had to make a change he's going to have to risk a lot of things.. time.. and there's no guarantee he'll succeed. That's true. But he could also hit the JackPot! At least he tried! It takes time. It takes guts.. and a little bit of luck.

Gray. In this case.. equals "average". You'll see what i'm talking about.

Let me ask you this: do you like Seinfeld? I do! Brilliant man: awesome jokes and points of view, awful hair. anyway.. he has a problem with the silver medal. "If you take the gold, you feel good. If you take the bronze, well.. at least i got something! But if you take the silver.. it's like.. Congratulations! almost won! You're the number one.. loser!" and that, my folks, is gray.

Gray is when you're like that.. although you can't realise it.. Gray is the bunch of people that appear on the road while the main character is being filmed.. of photographed. Gray is the ones you meet on the street every day.. and sometimes.. someone pops up.. and you can see the difference. A great man once said: "Show me a man who's satisfied with second place, and i'll show you the loser!" Gray is when you're satisfied with second place. When you have nothing else to wish for. Nothing else interesting enough to see or to learn.. Gray is when you've given up.. and you don't realise it.

There's a lot of gray people i know.. and i learn from the mistakes others make. At least i try. I like changes. It keeps you.. not bored, you get to learn something from it, you get to meet new people, you see that if you don't risk anything you can't win anything.. Have i changed the world? No.. unfortunately. Not yet! But i'll do my best not to be like that!

(i'll let you guess where this is from.. )
- Nature is change! The part that we can influence! And it starts when we decide!
- Where are you going?
- ..with luck? Forward!

November 6, 2007

Why change?

because i lost something. i feel like i lost something.. on the way. i can't really say what, exactly, but i can feel it. don't even know if i want to bring 'it' back. but i know i can't go on like this.
it's no use. i've been like this for a while, i've seen what's it like and now it's time to cool down.

so why change? why so sudden? but most important is.. how!
for starters i pierced my tongue. boy, that was a shock on a lot of people! and then, the attitude.. i decided to do everything crossed my mind, right then and there! and i became mean.. as in selfish. and i'll eventually have to quit smoking.. then? who knows?

i've been wondering if i'll ever settle down. do i find someone interesting only because i can't have her? and (in most cases) after i do.. i don't like her anymore. i guess not, cuz. with L. (i talk about her because it didn't happen long time ago) was different.

but.. the thing that 'started' this change was.. my behavior. it's a thing i think i've developed on my own. it's about the opposite sex. so i meet someone. i try to see what's she like an if she's worth the try. then if i do like her i start wondering if she likes me. if she does.. then it's all settled. after a while i get to know her more. and i find stuff that i don't like. so i lose my appetite (not for food or sex, but.. for her). and i start fooling around again. by the time she can tell something's not right.. she gets attached. and (i think) because i try to push her away, she comes towards me even more. we finally break up. she's sad. and i wake up alone. again. you need a reason to wake up, to shave, to smile in the morning. i know i do!

the weird thing about it is that i can't do it. today i say stop. next morning i wake up with 2 chicks next to me. well.. one (on each side) and i say to miself: "that was not the plan, remember?" i go home and find another "x added you to her messenger list. press next to.."
and she turns out to be smart and a pretty nice girl.. and i get that 'red button' feeling again.

i don't know if i'll manage to do all that. but at least i got my tongue pierced. hopefully that won't atract more chicks upon me and i'll be able to go on with my boring life..

November 4, 2007


curiosity killed the cat. true? but that cat was a happy cat! at least died a happy cat! nu multi inteleg asta. eu da.

"DON'T PUSH THE RED BUTTON" tare sunt curios ce-o sa faci! poti sa nu-l apesi, sa inchizi fereastra si te uiti in continuare la poze cu gagici de pe hi5. dar nu ti-l poti scoate din cap. dar nu poti. e ca o zgarietura care o ai pe cerul gurii. care te enerveaza si te sacaie pentru ca stii ca e acolo. care s-ar vindeca daca nu ai mai da cu limba. dar nu poti.

it's the question that drives us.. ai observat cat de des se intampla asta? in fiecare zi. la orice colt de strada. orice ai face. chiar si in autobuz: te duci sa te intalnesti cu prietena, ai un buchet mare de flori in mana si o cutie de bomboane si ai putea sa o ignori pe blondina care se uita insistentla tine.. de 5 minute. dar nu poti. asa ca te duci la ea. daca o faci, n-o sa te mai poti gandi la altceva. 'ce-ar fi zis? i-ar fi placut de mine? cred ca mi-ar fi dat id-ul ei de mess.. ' 20 de minute mai tarziu, suna telefonul: 'unde esti? te astept de 20 de minute!'

'uuuu... what does this button do?' blows up earth.. and hell.. and everything else!asa si? cum poti sa stii daca nu-l apesi? poate nu se intampla nimic. atunci chiarar fi aiurea. de ce sa-l mai pui acolo si sa scrii sub el ca nu trebuie apasat, daca nu se intampla nimic? trebuie sa se intample ceva, cat de mic. si eu trebuiesa stiu ce. trebuie sa vad. trebuie sa aflu. trebuie!

e tentatia.. e langa tine. stai si fumezi tigara dupa tigara si te intrebi ce sa faci? desi raspunsul e deja evident.
si stii ca o sa apesi nenorocitul ala de buton rosu. dar incerci sa iti faci tot felul de scenarii, ce-ar putea fi, ce-ar spune ceilalti. ce ti s-ar putea intampla.. mai intai tie, apoi.. celorlalti. daca ti se intampla ceva rau? poate fi ceva ingrozitor. ai putea incerca sa-l apesi de undeva.. de mai departe. poate asa nu o sa patesti nimic. te uiti in stanga si in dreapta. te asiguri ca nu te vede nimeni.. si.. te razgandesti. iti spui ca nu vrei sa il apesi. esti convins ca nu se va intampla nimic. asa ca mai bine nici nu incerci... dar..
nu poti!